In case you are new to this grief or maybe you’re not, but nobody has told you…

You’re allowed.

You’re allowed to feel what you feel and be what you are and do what you do. This is your loss, your path.

You’re allowed…

To cry.

To scream.

To say nothing.

To say no.

To decline invitations.

To smile.

To laugh.

To look away.

To be happy.

To say your baby’s name.

To honor him or her in any way that brings you comfort.

To have hope.

To feel happy and sad in the same moment.

To be disappointed.

To move through grief at your own pace.

To grow.

To be a different person.

To have and or find new supportive relationships.

To have loving boundaries.

You’re allowed.

You are.

You do not need to validated your pain, your loss in order to grieve your way. (Even though your soul craves it. I know, mine did too.) You do not need anyone else to know exactly how you feel for it to be real or for it to matter to everyone. (Even though you wish for just one moment, just one, where they could feel the heaviness of it all.)

You, my dear, have a very real pain, an ache that will never go away, only shift, feelings that you feel and not a single person can tell you it’s wrong or to stop feeling it. They can’t, no matter how they feel… it doesn’t make it ok for you to hide. Their feelings matter, sure, but yours do too. You matter. Your baby matters. Don’t forget that. It helps to own your pain and grieve they way is best for you.

Feel your feelings.

Grieve YOUR baby.


Allow yourself and others grace in the process of finding how to heal your heart and when it gets tough…. I want you to hold onto hope and trust me when I tell you; you will get through this. You will. You will bring grief with you along the way, but it will get easier to carry. I promise.